winter winds

rebenok, here i am, almost a year later from the first time we went to couples counseling (yes, unlike our president, i can spell counsel). i’m thinking about some of the stuff the therapist said when we first met with him. first off, remember how creepy it was when we found out that he was…

if you wanna be my lover

staryy drug, oldest friend since the beginning. you have always been there, even when you are mad at me. a few weeks ago, you were really mad at me and i was so upset. but in the long run, i know you’ll be there.

wanted is love

vinny drug, you ask why i don’t talk to you. why i don’t hang out with you? perhaps it’s because every time I try to, you end up yelling at me, criticizing me, making every choice i make sound like the worst decision i could ever make. i don’t need that negativity in life. i…

collide

ochko drug, you continually shock me. i honestly don’t know what to say. you called me today after not talking to me for almost two weeks.   it was confusing but comforting. i don’t want to fall for you but i know i am. i know i have. and it’s terrifying for me. but i…

big picture

ochko drug, you are something. you’ve always been something. something good. something interesting. something good looking. i fell for you the day i met you. and i think you might have fallen for me. and that it might have scared you. but we kept as friends.   and then i think you realized you wanted…

all we are

druz’ya, i don’t know how i can explain this divorce thing. i know some of you feel me pulling away. believe me when i say, it’s not you, it’s me. it’s hard. i want to be the good friend i used to be but i also know i’m not that person anymore. it’s not that…

heart with no companion

rebenok, you told me before i found out that you were cheating that you would never worry that about me finding someone else. i know most of that was because you were trying to convince yourself that what you were doing wasn’t wrong. it was. but that doesn’t change what you said. you’re right, i…

but i won’t do that

drug futbola, yeah you. damn. you have always been an all-star. you’re like the messi of my life. always doing awesome stuff. you remember my favorite song. and you’re pretty much the best guy friend i’ve ever had. i mean, we’ve been friends since high school? earlier? shit, i don’t even know when we became…

let me explain that last title

dear rebenok, you probably missed the title of that last post. it comes from burn, the song eliza hamilton sings in hamilton the musical. god, that song got me through most of august, september and october. the lyrics. the life. i was actually eliza. in fact, a few months before i found out about your…

you. you. you

dear rebenok, that’s all you can be described as (in case you didn’t pick up, all the names are the pronunciation of a russian word that describes the person). a child. had i known ten years ago that you would never grow or mature, i probably would’ve avoided you. but i didn’t and that’s life….